


The Crumpled Papers in Hades' Waste Basket

by Goldielochs



Category: Lore Olympus (Webcomic)
Genre: Angst, Daddy Issues, Mommy Issues, too - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-08
Updated: 2019-09-08
Packaged: 2020-10-12 04:02:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,146
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20557907
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Goldielochs/pseuds/Goldielochs
Summary: Hades' Therapist asked him to write a letter to his mother saying whatever he wished he could tell her but never has. These are those letters.





	The Crumpled Papers in Hades' Waste Basket

[9:12pm]

  
  


Dear Mom,

  
  
  
  
  
  


Attempt number 3. Third time’s the charm and now I’m on my 3rd(?) round of scotch, so maybe I’ll finally be able to get through this fucking letter. It’s not like I’d ever tell you what I’m thinking because I don’t know what that is.

Where do I even begin? You’d think I’d have a plan this time around. I guess I should start with 

Actually. Fuck this

* * *

  
  


[11:32pm]

  
  
  


Dear Mom,

  
  
  
  


You nevr FUCK

I 

I need another drink.

* * *

[1:14am]

  
  


Dear mom,

  
  


Hey Mom. How’s it going? I’m trying to figure out what I would say to you and I think I’ve realized

FUCK

FUCK THIS FUCK THIS FUCK THIS FUCK THIS FUCK THIS. FUCK YOU. FUCK EVERYONE. ARE YOU HAPPY NOW MR. THERAPY DR. MISTER DOCTOR THAT SAYS THINGS LIKE FEELINGS SHOULD BE EXPRESSED. ARE YOU HAPPY NOW? IS THIS WHAT YOU FUCKING WANT YOU BLOODY PARASITE? WAY TO GO. I’m up at night. Drinking. Again. I THOUGHT THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO HELP. YOU FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT.

  
  


Note to self. 

Kill my therapist tomorrow.

\- Hades

* * *

  
  


[3:08am]

dear mom,

  
  


fine. let’s do this. I hate sleeping. I hate thinking about it. I’d rather do this. I’d rather work until my eyes go blurry, until my fingers are rubbed raw, until i collapse from exhaustion than willingly close my eyes again. 

My therapist thinks it’s the nightmares. He thinks it’s because the last memory I have of you is when i flinched. When i closed my eyes and i never saw you again. 

But my therapist is a piece of academic bullshit. 

I thought I was having a hard time because I don’t know what I think of you. But I realized, no. that’s not it at all. I just don’t think about you. I don’t want to think about you. 

I hate sleeping because i don’t want to see your face. I wake up because of the nightmares, but i can’t fall asleep because i hate seeing you again. I hate seeing your happy carefree face. I hate feeling safe in your hand. I hate you. It was all a big fat lie.

I hate you. 

I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you. i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you. i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you. i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you. i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you. i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you. i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you. i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you. i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you. i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you. i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you. i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you. i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you. i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you. i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you. i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you. i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you. i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you. 

* * *

[3:45am]

dear mom

  
  


I don’t hate you. 

I don’t know what my feelings are. I can’t put words to this. I can’t write down all the things that i have inside of me because i don’t know what it is. It isn’t hate. I don’t like thinking of you--that’s true. Because the things I feel when I do scare me. I don’t understand it. But it’s something. 

You were all I had. You were the only thing I could count on. I don’t want to talk about him. This isn’t about him. but he’s fucking touching everything wrong with me and so are you. This is about you. This is about 

Sdadf dfaf as df adfsfa sdklja fsdfkjla dfsjlk

Why wasn’t I enough? 

Why wasn’t I enough? Why didn’t it end with me? 

You knew. You knew and you did nothing. You did NOTHING for me. You didn’t try. You didn’t even try.

  
  
  
  


But you saved Zeus. 

You saved my brother,

but you didn’t save me.

You loved  _ him  _ enough. You figured out a way to stop Zeus from our father. You knew it was coming. Even with me you knew it was coming, but you didn’t love me enough to save me. I know that. I know that you don’t love me like you do him. I KNOW IT. THE WHOLE FUCKING WORLD KNOWS IT. the whole FUCKING world loves him more than me. 

  
  


I didn’t do anything wrong. I didn’t do anything bad. What did I need to do? 

Was it my dumb power? All i had to offer you---dumb rocks. This shitty gift. stupid. It wasn’t enough for you. I know it. I knew it then too. 

I’m not enough for you. 

I’m punished for it day after day spending my time in this forsaken darkness alone like i spent my childhood because you didn’t want me bad enough.

You saved him. You saved HIM. 

He gets all the glory.

He gets all the power.

Because you loved him more than me. 

And so for two thousand fucking years i’ve lived with that knowledge. I go to work and pretend that i have what it takes. It’s all a big fucking lie. I know i’m not good enough.

You taught me that.

I tried. I tried everything to make you happy. I did the best I could for you. I just wanted to make you smile. And it wasn’t. Ever. good. Enough.

For two-thousand years I’ve lived with this and people wonder if I’m doing okay. It’s all about my father though. 

Fuck dad. 

But you know what? He could never hurt me more than your apathy.

  
  
  
  


Well, I don’t care. I don’t care what anyone thinks. I don’t think about them and I certainly don’t think about you. I don’t care what you think. It doesn’t fucking matter anymore.

\- Hades

* * *

[5:42am]

  
  
  


Dear Mom,

  
  
  
  


Thank you for loving me the only way you knew how. 

I love you too.

  
  


All my best,

-Aidoneus

  
  



End file.
